Thursday, February 3, 2011

A Good Way



“Let’s see, dear God, I want to tell you, in a brand new way
‘I love you!’ But I cannot think of anything to say.
I know, dear God! I will run and do something for someone, and then when you see me doing it, of course You’ll understand!”
-Mary Dixon Thayer

Matthew was gone for a long time yesterday. He took Zoe with him, and headed out into a village to sign the lease on our new children’s home. It was supposed to take a couple hours, but stretched, (not surprisingly) into 6 hours!

While he was gone, Esther and I were able to catch up on some much-needed cuddling that we have missed during the excitement of the last week and a half.

I lay in bed, and propped a pillow over my lap to protect my healing incision from a loving 2 year-olds elbows. I arranged other pillows into a “nest”. She brought her “nay nay”, (pacifier) and blankey, along with a large pile of books. We read for an hour, just the two of us. I don’t know if that has EVER happened.

One of the books she brought me was a Little Golden Book… “Prayers for Children”.


The verse above caught my eye, and made me think of the second week of this New Year.

ALL of us got sick with the flu. At least it happened in the staggered formation that gave me time to nurse everyone before I was laid out by the vomiting. First Matt… then Esther. Just as things were starting to look up, Zoe and Andrew started throwing up. Our living room was a disaster zone. I had a shower curtain spread out, with a sheet on top of it for Zoe. Then, when she would miss her bucket, I could just wrap up the sheet, throw it on the porch, and get out a new sheet!

As for me, I wasn’t sure where morning sickness ended, and the flu started. It was just DAYS and NIGHTS of stink and diapers and YUCK! I know mothers and fathers all over the world go through this, so seriously, I am not complaining. But you know how it is if you are a parent, you just DO what you gotta do!

One night, toward the end of the onslaught, I had just finished a diarrhea diaper clean-up in the bathtub on a certain 2 year old, and was greeted by the 4th of the day from little Andrew. Now, I am just going to be honest here. It was REALLY starting to gross me out. For your own child, you have a certain amount of grace that the Father gives you when they are sick. Love pulls you through when your mind just wants to give up.

As much as I love him, I don’t FEEL like Andrew is “mine”, I know, in the deepest of my heart, that he already belongs to someone else…

Anyway, there I was, hanging over the bathtub, sick to my stomach, rinsing the filth from the rear of this tiny, crying little guy. “I DON’T LIKE THIS” I yelled, at no one in particular. (I guess I just needed to say it). And I thought about his parents, somewhere out there, WAITING FOR HIM. Loving him, and wondering if he is ok. And the tears came. And I know he is just in a million who are waiting. I know it is just a drop in the bucket of need. But for you, his mommy and his daddy, wherever you are, I will wash his bottom, I thought. I will love him, until you get to.

So, I wrapped him in one of our last clean towels, and I told him I was sorry I was such a poor excuse for a mama, and that SOMEWHERE, his mommy and daddy can’t WAIT to wash his little bum! But until they get the chance, we gotcha covered, little dude.

“Let’s see, dear God, I want to tell you, in a brand new way
‘I love you!’ But I cannot think of anything to say.
I know, dear God! I will run and do something for someone, and then when you see me doing it, of course You’ll understand!”

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