Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Baby Andrew (What Matt calls the GIRLY EMOTIONAL STORY)

On Thursday, December 2nd, I was at home, wondering what in the world I was going to do with my 4 and 2 year old that afternoon. Daddy had been gone for 4 days, with a 2 day trip preceding this trip, and I was recovering from a cold and Thanksgiving.

I was psyching myself up for some fabulous romp on the playground, reminding myself of all the reasons I wasn’t going to let my kids watch TV all day.

I had been waiting all day to hear from Matthew. He was having a great time, and I was having a great attitude, but being alone with the munchkins and no best friend gets old fast.

The call finally came around 4, and the girls were jumping all over me, screaming to talk to daddy, so I put on the ever faithful sesame street and told Matthew he had my full attention. I was glad I did not obey his command to check my email as soon as he got on the phone. If I had, my emotions would have gotten even MORE confused by the story he started to tell me. The abbreviated version follows below. (this was the picture in my inbox)

M: So, how ‘bout I bring a baby home tomorrow?
H: WHAT?!!!
M: I met this cute baby and they said I could bring him home tomorrow!
H: NO! you can NOT bring a baby home
M: well, just let me tell you about him… no pressure
H: right.
M: blah blah blah, he goes on to tell me all about the baby
H: is he going to be adopted?
M: Yes
H: soon?
M: hopefully
H: does he honestly need us? Even for a short time?
M: yes
H: it is going to cost a LOT extra, formula, diapers…
M: Whatever. There is always enough
H: I am a TeRRIBLE mom. He does NOT deserve to live here with me…. Crying
M: why don’t you just go ask Father about it? If you say no, that is ok
H: when do they need to know?
M: um, like, um, 15 minutes
H: wow. Ok. I am going to go in my room and talk to Father

In my room, screaming, crying at Father. (very glad my girls are engrossed in Elmo’s latest adventure) What should we DO?

“I was hungry, and you gave me something to eat. I was homeless, and you invited me in…”

Me, to Him “but I am a TERRIBLE mother! I will ruin his life! He will be so scarred. My girls…”

“I give you everything you need to parent Zoe and Esther. I can give you everything you need to parent Andrew, too”

Me, “really REALLY? You will give me EVERYTHING I need?”


I stop crying, smile, and start thinking about all the things we need to do to get ready. Diapers to buy, doctor appointments to make… boy clothes to round up.

I call Matt, and say, “bring him home”. All right he says, I have to go, I will let you know when we arrive at the airport.

I stare at my daughters. I think about a house full of pink. I calculate diapers, I guess how big he will be. I call a few friends with boys, and they tell me they will look through their clothes and see what I can borrow. I freak out. I thank the Father that I know how to hear His voice. I thank Him that I can be confident in His promises.

The girls and I get on the motorcycle and head to Pizza Hut for a celebration dinner, and I am shaking like I drank 10 cups of coffee or am drunk. We head to Walmart and pick up a case of diapers that will end up being WAY to big for the little guy.

And we go home. Get ready for bed, and dream about tomorrow.


Matt Ziebart said...

Yup, it went something like that...

Tim McLaughlin said...


And I like this version. It's not girly, it's evocative. Emotive. Storytelling in its best sense. Thanks for this....

Harmony said...

Thank you so much for writing this down, Hallie! And for sharing it with us. I love you and your little family, and your brave, quaking heart.

rosebark said...

AAAAAAAAAAk. I cannot believe - and it hurts me to read - that you believe you are a bad mother! I am certain this is an absolute lie.
You are delightful. You care so very much about your girls (and Dude). You desire for their best, and strive to give it to them. And while you do, you LOVE them.
What more can a child want? What more can a mother do?

You are wonderful.