Monday, November 15, 2010

notes on a not-so-great week

Man, it has been a while since I felt this physically tired!! My body is twitching and tweaking after a good, looooooong workout. I just polished off a banana and peanut butter. I am not crazy about Skippy PB, but that is the only kind sold here, and I DO realize it is a marvelous treat to live in a country where it is available… so on the rare occasion that I want a little PB, I eat it with a glad heart!

Every Monday night I am leading a Zumba-style dance workout with a few friends. I say Zumba-style because I am NOT a teacher, and I certainly never got certified or whatever to teach it. HOWEVER, I learned all the routines on my OFFICIAL Zumba DVDs, and as I am DYING for community in my quest to be fit, I got a few (5) of my girlfriends to come do it with me! It is rather fun, and rather a time of laughter. Especially when I start shaking my booty.

Anyway. Last week was a BLAH week. A NOT great weekend. And by not great, I mean it was a DISASTER. For me. Everyone else was fine. It seemed like everything I was trying to do, or get done, failed miserably. When it seems like everything is just going wrong anyway, it is really hard to keep up the motivation to continue giving 100% to whatever it is that needs to be done. I didn’t get in enough study time, water was out for a few days, kitchen lights were out for a week, (I sort of felt like I was camping on the 27th floor) I lost all track of emails, Esther is most certainly not even one step closer to being potty trained. You get the picture.

In these moments, I want to revert to 14 years old. Blame everyone around me. Concoct reasons why I am a victim. Tell myself my life would be perfect if I did not live here… All of these things I want to tell myself are total baloney. “It” (the problem) really ISN’T any one else’s fault. I am most certainly not a victim. My life will NEVER be perfect…

In reality, people around me screw up. But I am guessing I screw up more than they. I have never been willing or able to be the victim. I will poke your eyes out if you attack me. Or worse. But I don’t need to get that graphic, now, do I? My life is perfectly suited for me. Perfectly challenging. Perfectly colored. Perfectly awful, and then, 2 seconds later, perfectly magical.

I plan to wake up tomorrow a half hour before my girls, and give myself a chance to screw my head on straight. Give myself a chance to be hopeful about the day, and expect GOOD things. Maybe do a little review of the thing I know about life that are TRUE!!!


P.S. Thank you everyone who is signing up to sell our Mary and Baby J Christmas tree ornaments! That was a huge leap of faith for us and we are SO encouraged by your hearty response!


amandavital said...

You sound like a mother of young children... with a lot to do life does get pretty crazy. I like how you are thinking though, all positive, you sound like your lovely mother! That's the spirit Hallie! I find that if I get up earlier than the children my days go a LOT smoother too, it starts with getting to bed on time, or rather getting them to bed on time, so you can finish what you need, so YOU CAN go to bed on time.

Samantha G said...

Girl I hear ya! And I feel ya with the lights out and no water thing. By the third day of that I'm ready to poke my own eyes out! And I don't have kids!

Becky said...

LOVE this Hallie! Thanks for sharing with such honesty! Your strength is encouraging!