Tuesday, January 13, 2009



I could go somewhere without a baby strapped on my chest

I could eat with a fork

Hot water would come out of my kitchen tap so I didn’t have to turn a water heater on an hour before I do dishes, then walk back and forth from my bathroom to the kitchen with buckets of hot water

I could go out and not be stared at

Stinky tofu had never been invented

I could tell the butcher that I want ground beef without bones in it

It didn't take 48 hours for one load of laundry to dry

I didn’t feel like such a freakish giant

The words bubbling up in my mouth were Chinese, and not Portuguese (what’s up with that?)

We could go to a playgroup (maybe I should start one?)

I had a blender

The super cheap pirated DVDS would work EVERY time

I was better at being thankful

My daughter didn’t always have to “go potty” as soon as we got to our bus station

I didn’t have to stand in other people’s filth just to “go potty” myself

I could shop for the whole week instead of the whole day

Shopping took less than 3 hours start to finish

We had a Chik-fil-A restaurant in our city

McDonalds wasn’t in our city

My mom lived next door so she could watch the girls while I stop to breath

My sister lived next door so I could stop watching every word I say, because she understands

I could go to Morningstar, and dance my heart out


Harmony said...

I think I might just cry.

You make me want to know the other side, though. The things you HAVE because you DON'T HAVE all of these.

The things you miss may weigh more than the things you have gained-- but it won't always be so, you know. Someday you will look around and discover your cup is fuller than it ever was before.

It takes time, Hal. It takes frustrated-language learning time, weepy home-sick time, and moments of beauty that startle your homesickness away. What are diapers, really? And laundry? And buckets of water?

Michigan was nowhere near as foreign as where you are, but those first six months were LONELY for me. And then life kicked in. And made sense. And roots started to form.

You might not get to visit Morningstar on a whim, but one day you'll dance your heart out forever, before the very throne. And I'll wager you'll have so much more to be dancing for, then.

You're doing this for HIM. HIM. HIM. He's worth every bit of it, too.

And he is WITH you.

This is such a beautiful glimpse of your heart...

Harmony said...

oh! When we lived over there, my Chinese sounded like spanish! ;)

Heather Ziebart said...

ill bring you a blender, and write a letter to mcdonalds to move.

The Blakes said...

Hallie...thank you for sharing this post...you captured "it" perfectly. "It" being the feeling of serving Him no matter what in the face of our flesh...voicing our frustrations but still laying them down.

I feel for you and if I can ever send you something from here that will make it feel better...you let me know. I know you have a great family but if I can ever send you some of your favorite chocolate or something...just let me know :)

I'm 'thinking' about you and your family often...thank you for doing what you are doing. THANK YOU!

mama said...

Ah...the things you have given up to serve Him. May you be blessed to overflowing because of it! I love you!

Ellen said...

You are very brave. Striking out to create in your heart a "new" sense of normal...I suspect that what you are really missing is the sense of familiarity... It will come - the sense of familiarity will come and you will feel "at home".

Then when you visit this western part of the world, you'll be amazed at how "strange" it all is! :)